Trouble of the Sea
by IndustrialParadox
Summary: Requested by a friend. Dave, Jane, Kanaya and Equius are stuck on a yacht in the middle of nowhere. M for possible later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Dave looked out at the sea. "Man where are we?" He was talking to the girl next to him who was Jane. Jane shrugged and gave him a slice of cake. She was baking in the kitchen the whole time up until now, which Dave was thankful for because he was really really hungry.

It was chocolate cake, his favourite. The three layers of scrumptious chocolate batter sandwitched hot fudge, white chocolate and also a layer of creamy insides. Dave licked his lips. Oh yes, this was going to be good. He slowly took a forkfull of the chocolatey goodness and was about to put it to his mouth when BAMP!

He was hit in the back of the head by Kanaya. She told him that Equius was getting sick and she didn't know how to fix it. Dave didn't know eaither. He told her he was probably getting sea sick. It would be great if he didn't accidentally smash the phone so that they could call for help. It also didn't help that none of them could swim or know which way was back to shore. It was probably a long way away anyway because they were in the middle of fucking nowhere. Which was disturbing. So Kanaya and Jane went back in the cabin and Dave followed them because he was tired and fuck it if he was going to sleep in the sun.

It was so hot outside the cabin. The surrounding sea only made things worse, causing a high humidity along with the surprisingly hot temperatures. The wind wasn't helping either. It was flimsy and dry and warm.

It was so hot that Equius was allready stripped down to shorts and Jane was trying to find somthing for her and Kanaya to wear. Dave hellped and got them some shorts and found a few button up shirts that they could tie up in the front. All they needed was the hats and Jane and Kanaya would look like cowgirls. And also Dave took his shirt off and went to go sit down.

Secretly both Jane and Kanaya wanted to jump Dave and take all his clothes off. Both of them knew it too. So they got together and whispered about how they were going to get him alone. What they didn't know was that Equius wanted to do the same. All these dirty minded people on the boat in the middle of nowhere were starting to make Dave nervous,.

"Man what's going on?" He asked.

Jane and Kanaya giggled. Equius feigned sleep.

Except he wasn't sleeping.

So when Jane and Kanaya went into one of the rooms giggling it was just Dave and Equius alone.

"Dave I want to yiff your hot butt."

"Nope, sorry."

"But it's so hot outside don't you want to take your pants off?"

"Look I know you want to yiff my hot butt but my pants are staying on because they are really comfy."

So dave took off his pants anyway because ehe lied, obviously. And he was really hot and he did have a hot butt. And Jane and Kanaya came back out of the room and had shocked expressions on their faces because Dave was naked before them. And he had a really hot butt. Obviously.

"Ladies and trolls, it's too damn hot for you guys to yiff me and my hot butt. So can it wait until tonight?" Dave said blushing because he knew what was going to happen.

It sucks that they were out of gas for the yacht because Dave was too lazy to go get some. And they were going to run out of food soon but that was okay because Jane had an infinite bag of baking supplies. One of the many quirks of being a part of an evil baking empire. And that's why they were stuck in the middle of nowhere on a boat, on Dave's yacht.

And night was coming fast. Dave didn't know if he wanted to bother Equius, Jane or Kanaya first. He was hungry and he couldn't eat because he didn't know how to cook. And it sucked because Jane was locked up in her room all day and everyone was getting hungry. So Equius cooked instead.

"Holy shit Equius, I didn't know you could cook!" Dave said through a mouthful of food. It was so good because Equius was secretly a good cook. He brushed his hands off on his apron and blushed dark blue.

"It's from all the recipes I find on pony websites." Equius admitted.

"Ponies no way!" Dave said. "My bro is way into ponies."

Equius smiles.

_ladjbjvhbajhdfv I'm done for today. I'm hungry and tired AND i HAVE TO DO SOME CLEANING OKAY BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Also in case you haven't noticed this is a terrible fic. Yep, I pulled it out of my ass this morning. Will write more.  
><em>


	2. A Baking Compitition

Dave was not too excited to find out that Equius and his Bro were into the same things, mostly because some of the things his Bro liked were a bit strange. Even though he had a lot of respect fro Bro, finding out about smuppet porn on his Bro's computer Dave ended up being a litle more than creeped out. But Equius wasn't into smuppets, thank hell or somthing. Not because Dave was into Equius or somthing like that. But secretly he was.

Despite Dave's mild nervousness he and Equius got to talking more about those interests, even though Dave knew next to nothing about them. Still Equius was a dman good cook because of these silly ponies. Everyone was happy about it too, because finally they could eat somthing that was not baked goods because seriously that is all Jane knows how to cook, duh. And Kanaya doesn't know how to cook because she's more into fassion, and also because on earth they didnt have whatever the trolls eat normally. Which she wasn't complaining because human food was more flavourful and juicy. And Dave can't cook because he barely eats cooked meals anyway. Chips and TV dinners.

"Equius, can you teach us how to make this thing here?" Kanaya asked.

She was pointing to a shrimp and pastry filled plate. Kanaya didn't know what shrimp was but it was delicious. Even though didn't ponies eat grass and hay and flowers and shit? How come Equius cooked meat?

"Oh yeah, first you get some frozen pastry. make the pastry some squares and then put them in a muffin pan. Put those in the fridge. Then you need some shrimp, butter and olive oil and some chopped up dill. Saute the butter and oil and then quickly saute the shrimp but only for a minute or two. Season it with salt and pepper. Then put in the herbs. So then you set aside some shrip to garnish the plates and stuff the rest of the shrimp in the pastrys."

"Now you whisk 6 big eggs, a half cup of whipping cream, salt and pepper. Pour that ove rthe shrimp and herbs in the pastrys and then bake the muffin pastrys at 400 degrees for ten minutes. Then keep baking at 350 degrees until the eggs set. Let them cool. And serve it with some tomato compote."

Equius is now out of breath from talking for a while straight while he points to parts of the shrimp pastry. It's a good shrimp pastry.

Now Jane is jealous and gets into a fisticuff with Equius. She wins only because Equius doesnt want to hurt her at all. They start baking as a compatition. They are making cakes and cupcakes and brownies and all sorts of things. And some of th chocolate lands on Kanaya and Dave. Kanaya is secretly still scoping out Daves hot butt because he's still naked. She's contemplating wether to take off her top because it's bugging her. She thinks she will wait for a prefect time when she will be noticed and also when it accents her.

"SO now what?" Jane is asking before long. The baking compitition ending with her as the winner, unsuprisingly. Her face is covered in enough uncooked batter that she could be wearing it as makeup. Everyone shrugs though. Nobody knows what is supposed to happen now because they aren't the author.

Wait. Where did Kanaya dissapear to?

* * *

><p><em>So, short chapter because I can't understand what just happened and I need to re-get my bearings with a fresh starting chapter.<em>


End file.
